Home Sweet Home

after an 8 ba-gillion hour long ride, we are FINALLY home.

Home Sweet Home.

There are about 45 things I need to do, including sending out CHRISTMAS CARDS! We left our memory card with our pics at home. Yeeeh me.
Should we even bother at this point? ugh.

Next Christmas we are heading to Florida. No more Maine. Anyone else who wants to come is more than welcome.
Sunshine and sandy beaches is what I want Santa.
and maybe a BMW.

That is one of the few thing my husband and I agree on. BMW's.
Every time we see one driving on the highway or parked in a parking lot, we melt, and drool a bit.
It's something we both want.

Someday we'll never have that.

It's nice to sleep in our bed. There is nothing like your bed. It's sinks in where only your fanny is located. Your pillows are just right, and your blankets keep you at the perfect temperature. ahhhh

Well, that's all.

Winter Wonderland?

It's a mess outside.
It's like a giant baby threw up milk vomit outside.

Not only is their 400 feet of snow, it's windy.
Like, Tornado, windy.

I am unsure of how I feel
This is the point of this blog right, to vent and express my feelings.

I don't know how I feel about this.

Before I was secure in my snowhating......now I am kinda giddy that we may go sleding.
But for now, we are stuck.....

Where is Sarah?
She was awake and left to go potty and never came back.
Maybe she got sucked out a vent somewhere out into the vomit.

Does anyone feel this awkwardness?
Happy.... or ......Blubbering mess of anxiety?

I will post pics.

Curve of Learning

This last weeks has been an..........um...emotional ride.

My parents and I have always butted heads. Only when I was a little 'bowl' haircutted little "boy,"  did my parents and I get along. Especially my mother and I.

We always bicker.
It's the, trying to be nice while I point out all your flaws bicker.
After a few awkward days of this, I decided to sit my family down and have a "talk." Let's get whatever it is out. No more faking.
You can only move forward after that right?! Honesty is the best medicine and if you don't open that pill bottle you will never get relief.
The bottle opened.
The medicine spilled all over the floor and nobody was willing to pick it up.

Eventually my darling husband took over.
My husband.
A man of words and a pure heart, a guider.
Exactly what we needed. Guidance.

These past days I have learned so much. Life is a constant learning experience.
My husband reminded us, it's how we 'react' to things that determine who we are. Someone may throw a ball at you, but its your choice to either, throw the ball back and hit them in the head with it, or catch the ball and put it down.
You can only control yourself, not other. If that person chooses to hit you in the head, it's how you react to it, that determines who you are.

I don't want to hit anyone. Especially my mom.

Working on yourself is hard, I think that is why you need someone to help you point out the areas you may struggle with. You can't tell yourself that you are being a jerk, when YOU are determining that. You aren't going to tell yourself you are wrong. Everyone thinks they are right.
Their is no progress.
That's why we fight, because we think we are right and the other person is wrong.

My problem is getting people to understand why I do things. Justify why I do things, but why do I care? I can't pry myself into their brains and change the way that they think, or want to. I think in our case we struggle to find a common ground. Accept each other. Nobody is perfect.

My parents and I are complete opposites. Are we?
It's amazing how much it may seem like we are different, but when stripped to the basics, we are the same.
It's those little layers that get in the way of our true core beliefs.

My mother is always wanting peace and happiness, she struggle and strives to make this happen.
I admire her for that.
In turn, she wants to be happy too.

I believe that happiness comes from the inside. You don't have to rely on others to make you happy. If you  did, you never would be. My husband says it's like a pebble hitting the water. You drop a pebble in the water and ripples will flow all around it. If you are happy, truly happy, the effects will seep out onto others.
Maybe it will and maybe it won't.

All you can control is yourself.
For me, happiness is God.
Love is God flowing through you to others, you are just a vessel.
Even if you do not believe in a certain religion you still have love. I believe God/Love is in all of us, no matter what your religion, background, gender, sexual preference, race or disability.  You can have love even if you are not religious.
So the core of us all is love.
I love my family.

I feel like a damn hippy.

It's an impossible goal to expect all the time.

Peace within myself, that is my goal, my struggle.


"Judy" is my friend.
In cheesy, grammer school terminology she is
My Best Friend.

Right now, my best friend is carrying around these heavy 'chains' of problems that  her emotionally unstable, vindictive, cruel, ex-husband, keeps loading on her back.

He should be a professional Limbo Player, just when you think he can't get any lower, he does.
"How low CAN he go?"

From an outsider and her B.F.F., I am seeing these 'chains' around her neck weighing her down. I want so desperately to cut her free of them, carry these chains on my back. But I can't.
For most people, including myself, I would have fallen from the weight of it. 
But she hasn't.

This blog is about her.

With all of these chains that are difficult to live with, she does, and continues to do so, with a positive and optimistic view.

But, I can see that she is struggling towards a door.
This door is leading to a future.

A future without him. A future she wants so bad.
He keeps piling on more weight, more chains, more drama.  Making it harder for her to reach it.
She will.
She already is.

I used to be so angry.
Now, I am grateful. Someone like that who had a beautiful life and throws it away so easily will never live life.
They will never be happy.
You can not have a life you had, beautiful kids, and throw it away for something...... better?

My friend, you will never find something better. You'll find something temporary.

She deserves and will get someone better.

The grass isn't always greener.
Weeds will start to over-run that nice "green" grass of yours.
Their won't be enough chemicals or fertilizer to fix it.
You're "green" grass will turn brown and you'll be stuck with an ugly yard called your life.

The weeds are already growing.

Maybe I am still bitter.
For a while, Judy was still worrying about his health. Even when he had said so many hurtful things to her. She genuinely cared about him being okay, even considered helping him. He has problems.
I couldn't believe it.
She explained to me that he is still a human, a human being who needs help.
That is the kind of person she is.
Compassionate and Caring, even to those who are not.
I felt like an ass.

What a world we would live in if their weren't people like Judy.
I learned a lesson on humanity. On what kind of person I want to be.
Judy is an amazing person.
I have learned so much in the years of our friendship.

I aspire to be like her.

My best friend. :)


We leave for Maine tomorrow.

Packing and prepping sucks.
Trying to keep the house clean, is an on-going battle with the kids.

BUT, we are almost done and I am super pumped.

Yesterday, we were invited to go to the Tiny Tea Tots room for her classmate Natalia's 5th birthday. This place was BY FAR the girly-est place I have ever seen.
When they first got there, the girls decorated their own picture frame with sparkly glue and gems. Then they go into this special private Princess Room that has two castle's, an elaborate tea party table, castle doll house, vanities, princess books, Royal throne, and cute accessories that surround the room.
The girls each got to pick out their own Princess dress, crown and jewelry. Then each took turns getting their nails painted and makeup on.
They announced the birthday girl and walked her down her red carpet to sit on the royal throne. After  her, they announced each girl "introducing princess blah blah" and we all clapped, Sarah was eating it up.
IT crossed the line of cuteness.
The tea party was set, they drank their pink lemonade and ate their finger sandwiches. Decorated cupcakes and went on their merry way. It was a blast.
These girls were LOVING IT!
I was jealous.

Sarah came home full of sugar and glitter.

Later that night we went to the "Lights in the Park", it's a drive-thru look through Washington Park. They set up tons of light up Reindeer and Santa's and an assortment of different animated light thingys. Even Noah was excited. It's one of my favorite traditions.

Now, I am stressed because we have so much to do and so little time left.
Oh well, at least it was worth it.


Sun shiny day

My husband asked me a very funny question.
Which stirred up very funny answers.
Then an idea for a movie series.

"Rudolph fogged Christmas".

If anyone has seen the classic movie "Rudolph the Red nose Reindeer," you know how sad and depressing it is. My heart goes out to Rudolph, his parents were embarassed by him, Santa pityed him, his friends laughed at him, a monster wants to eat him, and he doesn't even belong with the other "misfit" toys.
It's only when Santa "uses" him for his nose to get through a foggy Christmas Eve that people praise him for being different.
But what happened to Rudolph?
What happened the following Christmas?
What did they do to poor Rudolph, the next Christmas Eve, when their was no FOG?

Then next Christmas Eve, Rudolph is pumped, all his friends are saying "can't wait to see that nose of yours" and "you're going down in history Rudolph," stuff like that.
But what happened?
Did Santa say "wellllll, it's not really foggy this year Rudolph, just go back home, sit this one out."
Imagine the emotional impact that would have on an already mentally weakened reindeer. Maybe, after a few years of being laid off for "lack of fog", no more autographys, no more Santa,
Rudolph starts to lose it. 
At this point, Ali and I are cracking up thinking of Rudolph buying up all the fog machines at Walmart and terrorizing Christmas.
"You want fog, well FOG-K YOU!"
Shooting up houses with fog, peeing on the Christmas tree's, pushing down babies who are just learning to walk.
It's chaos.

It'd be like the Grinch, but a hundred times better.
We'd be rich. COPYRIIIIGHT!

Christmas Picture Outakes

Every year we take pictures for our Christmas cards. 
We take about a billion and only end up with one good one.
Here are our "not so good" photos.

Our interpretations of  forced smiles

Sarah a little less than modest.

Jolly Saint Ali





I am obsessed with Christmastime.
Sarah is super excited too!
Buying gifts and wrapping them are so much fun and I can't WAIT for her to open her gifts to see her super happy face.

But the thing I don't understand, and never REALLY thought about until yesterday is Santa.
We went to the mall yesterday and of course Santa was there.
Sarah is terrified of Santa. She won't even go NEAR his little "toyland"  We literally have to drag her across the floor screaming because she "doesn't want to seeeee sssaannntttaa."
And that is only to get passed, this isn't even the point where we have to get our annual picture with him.
I am desperately trying to save their relationship by saying to her "Honey, that is going to hurt Santa's feelings if you don't be nice to him."
I really don't know what to say? Sarah, don't act terrified?

This is so weird.

These are our first years of us being "Santa" and it's hard.

While we were at Barnes and Noble and I read to her, "The night before Christmas" by her favorite author, Mercer Mayer. Little Critter is familiar to her because we have most of Mercer Mayer books. Phew, something she can recognize, maybe it will warm her up to Santa.
So I am reading, her favorite little Critter is their, he's happy he made cookies, then BAM,  the big fat guy with a corny red suit! ......eek....... eatin' up all his cookies, drinking all his milk(shiver). Sarah asked "why is he eating all his cookies", ummmm well because you make Santa cookies to eat when he comes down the chimney/window???? Because he is a pedophile.

Would I really want Sarah to be cool with some big fat hairy guy coming through her window saying "ho ho ho?"
My daughter is not a ho!

I stared at that Santa.
He looked so foreign in the book, Little Critter is some type of animal and the Santa was just too realistic.
Every time I see a fat guy with a beard, it's usually at a bar or something.
I was scared.

OKAY, who made this whole Santa thing up?

We need to re-write this story!
A fat caucasian man, FLYING in the sky with RAINDEER, one with a light up nose, he goes down your Chimney?, wears a weird red suit, ROSY CHEEKS?(creepy), has a house full of little BOY elves! and brings you presents ONLY if you are good, and SIT ON HIS LAP!??

How are you supposed to make your child believe this??????????
Its so hard to explain all of this....it sounds so ......stupid...Yah, I went there...........why couldn't we make this MORE believable...How can little elves make an XBOX 360? Seriously?

I am struggling to make myself sound believable, and I keep slipping up and using the 'Santa Card' when I am mad, "Sarah, you better stop being naughty or Santa is not going.......... to .....come...in ..your..... window...(we don't have a chimney?)......some random night.......... because you don't have any concept of time yet....and bring you toys......!"



Rear end

New York.
My new home.

When you come from the sunny state of California, it's hard to adjust to continuous cloudy days, rain and snow.
It took about 5 years.

It's not a stereotype, California IS the sunshine state.
Or is that Florida?

The first thing I noticed is the difference in personalities from your day to day encounters with strangers. At first, I thought that New Yorkers were 'grumpy'. Of course this isn't everyone I had come across, but it was the majority.
Let me refrase this.
They just weren't as, "free-spirited."
More direct.
Which, I've learned  is mostly just honesty.  I admire that.

After living here for 5 years, I've chilled.
I am not waking up to sunshine and warmth, giddy.
It's clouds, cold and.... "oh."
Of course you are not going to be as "excited" about the day when the weather sucks.

But the thing that was a major difference, was the drivers.
Crazy, speeding, tailgating, aggressive, don't move over to let you in, grumpy drivers.
I have been cut off more than Britney Spears hair.

I vowed to stay considerate in my driving, not giving in to the big dogs. But,  I am slowly starting to become "that" driver. Because it's cold, damn it.
But, I had a realization.
Yesterday was cold, rainy and icy, and people were driving slow, and being considerate?
98.7% of the time, the weather sucks here.
You have snow, severe rain and extreme wind more times than not.
So, whenever their is somewhat decent weather and the roads are clear,  people go crazy, woooohhh, and end up driving like maniacs. It's bottled in.
SO maybe it's just the fact that, we don't have to drive 10 miles under the speed limit for ONCE.
They can take that corner a little faster.
Who knows?
But, the next time I get some guy in a truck riding my bumper, I am going to think twice before slowing down even more and flipping him off. Maybe I'll just pull over and let him pass, so he can enjoy the non-hazardous road conditions for once.

Or maybe he's just a jerk who is excited to get home to watch the season finale of American Idol or something?

Who knows?


I drank.

I have a slight headache.



It's been so long since I had a drink. 3 years.
I was really nervous to go out.
Like, REALLY nervous.
My mind was calculating all the things that could go wrong.
For me, drinking involves problems,

and hangovers.

Of course as women we find any excuse to get "fluffed." What our husbands don't understand is, we dress up because we enjoy to, not because we want attention. I love to put on extra makeup and do my hair and wear my "nice" clothes. It feels good.
I'm not going to wear heels carrying a baby and a diaper bag. That's a severely twisted ankle waiting to happen.
Any excuse.

 The second you see your female friends, their is an immediate "wooooooooooooooohhh!!!"
We woo-ed all night long.
The woo-ing didn't stop.
I still have ringing in my ear from all the woo. WOOOooOH!

birthday's + having kids +  not getting out much + alcohol = FUN!

It took me 15 minutes to decide what to drink.
Beer? Nah it always gives me a headache. Rum and Coke, Nah coke has caffeine. Anything too sweet will give me a stomachache...........wait........is this really what I have become. I used to be so careless. Drink to the end.  Now, I am worried about drinking to much CAFFEINE!?

SO, I got Sprite and Gin......really? Who drinks that?
But, I sipped.
Drank water.
And had fun.
The fun I always wanted to have, but I could never resist drinking MORE.

I guess being a mom has changed me.



I am torn.
We need money.

Life was easier when I worked, but for some reason, I had problems leaving Sarah.

I enjoyed my job, I just didn't let myself.

So, if I do decide to work, I want to make sure I can find a good babysitter. That's my problem.
I think my demands for a babysitter are kinda high.


Well, being poor has humbled our family. Not that we were ever rich.
Having no food has made us appreciate it so much more, and use up all of what we have instead of buying more.
We have gotten creative.
We also HAVE food, so we are grateful for that, because some people don't have anything.

But, life was easier when I worked.

What to do?

My daughter has learned to sign "I love you," and she has been sweet Sarah lately.
When we are driving she says "mommyyyyyy, loooook," I look in the rearview and she is signing "I love you." It's very sweet. I am very proud of her. She surprises me everyday.
When I tucked her in last night I told her I loved her and was proud of her, she said, "I'm not being a naughty girl, I'm being a good girl," popped her thumb in her mouth and nodded yes, confirming it to herself.
It was funny.
She was happy about that.
Let's hope she continues to WANT to be a good girl instead of naughty, into her teens.

"Mom, I decided not to drink that fourth beer and drive home, I called a cab instead!"

Ali says we are in trouble.

One of our recent visuals into the future was after bath. She was shaking her exposed fanny back and forth, singing, "sarah, sarah, who do you see? I see Caleb looking at me."

Ali had to come break it to me.
I'm glad I didn't witness this.

This is why I am teaching her early that "boys smell and like brown and black, and girls are pretty and we like pink and purple and sparkles!"

She then asked me to have a sleepover party with Zeus and tells Ali that he smells.

Not what I had intended.

Our nighttime routine has been the same since Sarah was born.
Bath-time, brush teeth, put her hair in a bun, P.J's, she comes to give me a series of kisses (pucker kiss, fish kiss, 'lots of kisses', little kiss and then just a regular), then story time with Daddy (she has progressed from 3 books to 5), then sleep.
It goes in this order too.
I tried to braid her hair once when Ali was working late, and that the wrooooong move.
She cried for like an hour, "I want a bunnnnn, not a braiiiidddd, daddy always puts my hair in a bun, not a brrrraaaaiiiidddddd, I don't want a braaaiiiiddddddd"
Let's just say, I won't do that again.

I think night time is my favorite time because it's scheduled. We know what to expect and things run smoothly (besides the braid incident). They are usually both happy and conforming.

Maybe I need to schedule out the day more, so we aren't disheveled and know what to expect???


I don't know, it just seems so, SCHEDULED!

Where is that parent handbook?

Schedule? Work? Ugh.


Sarah had a playdate with her cousin Adriana

Sarah's accepting the fact that Adriana is playing with her toys.

Movie Time

Couch Jumping!

"what was I thinking?!"

No Pictures Please!


Noah getting trampled

"Trick or Treating"



Sarah wants a Princess Kite for Christmas.....

Can anyone tell me WHERE I can find a princess KITE in December???

I've decided that I am going to buy them things like, empty boxes, remote controls, flip phones, blank CD's, and straws for Christmas. That seems to be the only thing they like playing with.
NON-toy items.

I am also going to invent edible crayons, that are made with vegetables, so I can be like.... "no, no, don't eat that crayon......................oooooookkaaaay!"

I'm sure they will still get that waxy flavorless taste they love.

So, yesterday I went to Sarah's school for her "special day."
This is were the parents get to come in and be with their child for the day. I get really excited for these days. I truly love kids.

Last time I went, I was the popular girl in school, which I never was in my young life. A gaggle of girls asked me to play in the kitchen with them, they all surrounded me, shared their toys and included me in their jokes.

I made like, six  B.F.F.'s that day.

So, I go in and immediately the cutest boy in the world asked me to help him make a train track with his extremely energetic buddy. I was like "YAH!"
So, we are on the floor playing and suddenly I was bombarded with 6 boys telling me about their Christmas trees.
It was a One-Upper marathon.

Then a little girl named Allison came along and asked me to play with her and her friends with their pretend castle... ....it was so much fun, these kids are so sweet and FUNNY. Even the teacher commented, "I have never seen half the class flock to one side of the room, and it seems to be wherever you go."
I got awkward of course and said, "yah, I am having a great time!"  like an overly excited nerd.

There is nothing like having a bunch of 4 year olds make you feel cool.

Of course Sarah was in la-la land during circle time. Not-conforming. Sucking her thumb and twiddling her belly button, to be expected.
Blurting out random things.

I think this time though, she really enjoyed having me there with her.

It was a good day.


The Albany State Museum hosted their annual


Last year I missed it and nearly cried.
I had been planning on going for almost a month. Then, on the day, I completely forgot and spent the day at the farm wondering what to do, only to realize AFTER it was over.

But this year.....OH YA.....

Unfortunately, I recently discovered I am lactose intolerant.

Did that stifle my excitement?????


Okay, yes, a little.

BUT.....as we were walking around admiring the booths, I noticed one had a sign for organic chocolate, but I kept walking because we were in a group and the group was moving, and I didn't want to be bias to only "organic" chocolate, plus, what was I going to eat anyway?  Most of it has milk.

I just couldn't shake the erge to check out the organ-booth, so I casually strolled over.

Thank JesusMohammedAbrahamAndMoses  I DID.

Not only was the chocolate organic, it was VEGAN and KOSHER! (well, the marshmallows).
They make marshmallows out of pork bone gelatin, which mean most of the marshmallows out there are off limits to us.


I almost past out, I got extremely social awkward with the chocolate maker guy (because I do that when I get super excited, I start rambling and shouting out things that don't make sense) like "wow, this is vegan it taste like milk juicy" or " I know VEGANS!" or " I can't believe this is kosher marshmallow, that's really like, non-kosher marshmallow-y without the kosh," or " Milk gives me gas, but not with these!"

I had to cradle my chocolate and walk away slowly before the guy called the mental institution or I bought out the whole booth.

Either way, I am super excited and it taste SO GOOD!
It's also half gone.

Our Christmas Box!

I have really cool Aunts and Uncles.
Like, REALLY cool.

But this has gone beyond the call of duty.

My wonderfully awesome Aunt Stephy, who lives in the sunny state of Florida has sent our family a cute Christmas box. These boxes are so exciting to open for myself and the kids. Well, not really Noah, he just likes the bubble wrap. I did not expect so many things in that small box. It was never ending.

I knew a little bit about these aprons she was making for the kids, after seeing them in person, I couldn't believe how CUTE these precious handmade items were.

I really wanted Sarah to be excited about the aprons, I knew after seeing and hearing all the hard work my Aunt Stephy did, I really wanted her to like them. Especially after her tough competition, Tinkerbell.

I didn't even have to shower the aprons with "WOWism,"
Sarah did it on her own.

She put the aprons on, pranced around, and loves the fact that she could change the pocket to fit her mood, she changed it to happy.
She loved it, even after seeing her Tinkerbell Pajamas...

But those Tinkerbell Pajamas...........it was love at first site.

Let's just say, it was a hit.

Her Tinkerbell P.J.'s.

Super Excited for Tinkerbell P.J.'s.
He liked the Bubble Wrap
What's this?
Noah's new outfits, among many.
This magnetic folder had all the interchangable days of the week and moods.
Showing off her pajamas
Hanging up

Handmade Towels for each family member