Pet to the Peeve

OH. my gawwwwwedddd

Today, YET AGAIN, on my drive home in a snow storm, I had some big, honkey tonkin', unnecessarily big truck drivin,' estúpido guy riding my ass. Why you say?  

OH, because I was ACTUALLY abiding by the law and going the reduced speed limit of 45 miles an hour. (okay, more like 55, but still.)

This was DURING the snow fall.
I get it.
Your truck is big, and probably has four wheel drive.

I'm also pretty sure that big truck of yours can pass me too. Whyyyyy!?

It's those people that drive lil elderly people off the roads!

But, thank you, Douche McDoucherton, for inspiring me to share with you my biggest pet peeves......

Sometimes, ya just gotta vent right!?

Numero Uno) It's pretty clear. Guys who drive abnormally large trucks with tires that are way too big for the freaking earth seem to continually fit the mold of douchbagery. This species of human, gets pleasure in riding EVERYONES ass because they think they have these magical monster truck capabilities.......No. You are not that cool.... No...There is not a lot of talent in putting your foot down really hard on a gas petal. No.....There is no skill in risking death by getting inches away from someone's bumper.  😐  This is not Mario Kart. And why would you want a girl to have to mountain climb into your salary guzzling Ford F150 anyways!?? Def, not this girl. Especially not in heels.

Dos) People who did it become a cool/hip thing to  snort a loogie full of boogers mixed with chunks of your chewed up dunkin donuts breakfast sandwich and hack it on the streets for people to see or step in!!??????? Is there some medical reason why someone would have an excessive amount of saliva that would need it to be purged from the body!? I have literally seen huge GREEN globs of this, all over the place. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Gaggggggggg. Literally just threw up in my mouth. #pleasestop

Tres)  Girls who talk real breathy and mostly out of their nasal passageway  ...........Like "oh meyy geyyd Lisaaaa, did you seeee her dress is seewww last seassssoonnnn." all know what I'm talking about. Where the end of every sentence is drawn out like oh my gaweddddddddddddddddddddd. Did you see thattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt hhhhashhhtag seeew last ssseasonnnnnnnnn. FML. Kill me now.

Cuatro) Most of my closet friends know this next peeve.....  My lifetime has consisted of being continually taunted with these words. Mostly by my brother. There is not one conversation we have that will not lead up to him mentioning these two words .....sometimes in the same sick sentence.....sometimes separate and out of know where, just BAM, gouging my ears and torturing me.. I'm having a hard time even getting ready to type these...........bare with me.....ugh.......


I need a moment.
If we can just remove these words out of the English language that would be greeeat.

Cinco) This one seems to be a trend lately. But, when you are friendly to people and they are not friendly back......I get it...we all have bad days.....but when you say Hi to the lady making your coffee and she gives you an attitude back!? It just makes you doubt the human race and ponder why you even try then contemplate saying fuck it and just start hating the world. Believe me, it's easier to ignore you. Sursly. I liked your face and I appreciated you making me a nice coffee. I said Hi. Sue me. We all have to pay our bills, cut carbs and NOT do cocaine or day drink to get by (jay kay). We all struggle with life sometimes. Smile back. :)

Seis) Someone who puts the NEW toilet paper roll on TOP of the empty roll..........I...I just can't even.

and lastly...

Siete) Vehicles who speed up RIGHT when you are trying to merge in.....oh my god. This is the WORST.
Is this some sort of weird Power Trip phenomenon people have that is deep routed in their subconscious mind  in order to feel superior or something? I have literally had people RACING ahead of me, literally... pedal to the medal, balls to the wall. Just to be in front of me......In most cases, when their car is more than halfway BEHIND me......The logical thing would be to merge in slowly and safely, like a nice smooth merge of lanes should be, on course with how cars are aligned......but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO special people will just fuck up your day by cutting you off. Sometimes, not even letting you in at ALL. 
That is when Amber's cray side comes out. One minute, I'm jammin' out enjoy the scenery, drinking my coffee  that some asshole made me. I see the lane ahead is merging.......oh no.........I heart starts racing, I mumble to myself "oh hell no, this guy is gunna cut me off," and sure enough, there is this moment of awkward side to side racing happening, I feel in most cases, people, for a split second, like the idea of  driving someone off the road or in ditch. That is a FAR better decision than having to slow down right!?
We are the most stubborn species in the world I swear. 
Why is this a thing!?.....This is why I have serious road rage.

That's all for now.
Lawd help me.


Don't go breakin' my heart


We've all been there.

It's the worst right!?

Well, for me.... I've carefully avoided heartbreak like the plague. Who wants to deal with that?
Not me.

I actually recently experienced my first true gut wrenching pain of love loss.

It was NOT pretty.

I always left long before this could ever happen to me. Hence my divorce. If I initiate it, I'm in control right?

From my history, I've always been the one to leave.  The pain of being dumped or dealing with your heart being crushed was NOT my cup of tea. I actually avoided commitment my entire life like a 2017 fuckboy avoids getting lock down to just ONE Tinder girl. Never gunna happen.

Hell to the Nah

Back when I was 18, I dated this really fun guy named Matt. He had tons of friends, cool car, was hilarious, cute and wanted me to be his girlfriend. We would cruise around jammin' out to Andre Nickatina, Mac Dre & E-40, (you know, the type of music any skinny, middle class white girl from Napa Valley would like), sneak into pools at night-just to make out and skinny dip, camp, streak through various public events (yup) and drink beer- pretty much all summer, we always had something fun going on. I even met his mom. I loved her!
Things were going good.

Then I dumped him.

You know why I dumped him?

He didn't text me back (technically he didn't call back, we had pagers back in the olden days).......

..................................................after an hour.............................................................

Not kidding.

This girl had some serious commitment and intimacy issues right!?

Woah, slow down, wait....things are going really good!??!
Nope. See ya.

You can see my history here.

What came from this most recent heartbreak, which would be the first for me, the one I've avoided my entire life. Is realizing does suck......real bad.......kinda like how I imagined. I never thought I could recover.

But in this past year of being single, I have really felt amazing. I think as people, we need to experience this kind of gut wrenching pain to push us to work on our own self growth.

And, ya know, sometimes, things just don't work out.
There is no sense in making sense of it.
Everyone has their own agenda.

Dating can actually be fun.
(It can also be REALLY bad too)

Not me.

I have quite a few hilarious dating stories.  Nothing really fazes me anymore.  Rejection isn't this terrifying deep dark pit of self-loathing that you will never crawl out of.  I survived that shit.
I also feel like I came out a better least I think........... I still bump gansta rap, drink too much wine sometimes, speed and flirt with hot men.


Being single has been fun.
I mean reality, it's only a brief time in your life you get to do what you want, when you want. Before you know it, you'll be in another relationship.

It such a precious time.
A rare time you get to enjoy just being you.

I'm cradling my single self and lovin' it. Maybe that's why I'm still single. I don't want to give that time up unless is worth it.

Speakin' of lovin'

My son has now become obsessed with Harry Potter. Lil late I know.
I felt compelled to share his crafty rendition of 'Arry Pottah' glasses (way too big for his face) and scar that he consistently needs to redo daily. Well, because I think it's cute.

Until next time