Letting go

Sometimes you just need to hear the right words...

Something to encourage you to keep going, keep fighting for what you believe in.

Deep breath....

It's hard for me to write this....having my personal life out in the open.
But I think that everyone goes through these problems, and part of the issues is, we make believe we don't.

I was feeling separated from my husband.
Whether it be loneliness or jealousy.
My connections was getting further and further away.

For a minute, I wanted to be free.

My history with dating is no good. I am not the commitment type.
My view on marriage was a joke.
Not one couple on earth has not had some type of affair.
So why commit to one person for the rest of your life?

But, Ali was different.
No really.

I value that I can talk to him about anything. Even these thoughts of wanting to escape, and how I am 99% vested in this relationship and the other is waiting for the day it fails, and I run.

Of course, I didn't realize this until we talked.

I expect failure.
How can you progress past a certain point?

Then, he said....

"that day in Reno, I had that ring, you had no idea that I was going to ask you to marry me.....I had a moment with myself.....Ali, is this the right woman for you......I could just put this away and she would never know......but I said, nope, you were everything I asked God for. Your everything I ever wanted, and nothing has changed since that day, I still love you"

It's time to let go.
It's time to jump in.

I have to know that some things in life are real.
This is real, our life.
We may have our moments, but the foundation is there.
I have to remember that safety net of "we".
We are here, together, forever, holding hands until death separates us.

I love you Ali.
Thank you for being by my side
Even when you know I am broken.


My son.
What can I say.

He is a born fighter.
It must be in the blood of boys to make weapons out of sticks and use ribbon as karate belts?!
How does he know these things?

Coming from 3 solid years of pink and rainbows......it's quite an adjustment to go to growls and punches.

That face, that chubby, double chinned, big blue eyed fuzzy face!

You just wanna knock him out!
My husband and I joke if he doesn't stop being cute we are just gonna punch something.....we are always holding up fists ready to punch...I've punched walls, door, pillows and Ali.
The cuteness is too much.

He's like a puppy you just want to stay little and fluffy. Never get bigger and awkward.

Here is some recent footage.....

We also captured a little ka-ra-te.....
No pants and his "black belt".....
It's short and sweet.



Do I start.

It's been a while. I guess in a way its been writers block. Or nothing too interesting to say.
No revelations really.
For awhile there, I was being consumed by so many different thoughts and emotions...wow...

I've learned to Chillax

It's hard to do that sometimes, especially when you realize that everything around you is crumbling.
Or so you may think.

Over-thinking is also my down fall.

Just chill.

Churning thoughts like butter. Rotating them over in your mind until it makes sense so you can grasp the situation.
Turning a liquid into a solid.
Sometimes its hard to get the stuff to form.

My cure and my new motto is living in the "NOW," the moment
This very second I am typing this.....is living.
The future is endless.
My past is an exit I passed up a long time ago, that I don't want to drive down.
I am someone else, a new person, older, stronger, wiser.

It's the older part that scares me......


Well, here's to getting wrinkles and age spots...ha ha.