It's been so long. The sun, the warmth.
Yesterday was a nice day.
Nice for New York.
Sunny, upper 40's.

But the sky was clear, so the sun could seep into my pores.
Ahhh, Vitamin D, I've missed you.

We went to our favorite hiking trail down to our favorite waterfall. Even though the snow is still sporadic on the ground, the base of the waterfall was melted, revealing an abundance of rocks that make great artillery.

Who knew this was so much fun.

The thing that got me was, this was the place I would come with Sarah when I was pregnant with Noah.
The waterfall, the sun...I remember those summer days so well. The water was flowing, the sun was shining on my face, Sarah was playing with bugs on the rocks.
I felt total peace.
This vision is what got me through child birth. Forcing myself to remember that moment, that feeling.

And there he was, throwing 'not so little' rocks with his little hands into the water, growling  like a lion.

He has grown into a little boy.

I gazed at my husband, daughter and son, throwing rocks into this, Vision of Peace.

Life is amazingly beautiful sometimes.

No Rain

The Honest Weight Food Co-op, my second home.

It's a beacon of light in downtown Albany.
It's an Organic vessel of local/organic/fair trade fruit, vegetable and grass-fed/ free range meats.
On top of that, they serve a variety of fresh baked good, breads, muffins, pastries,
Sandwiches, salads, pasta, hot dishes, daily soups, a whole specialty cheese haven and fresh squeezed juices. On top of that they teach free classes about, well, everything. 
I am in love.
I have been for 3 years.

WELL, we are FINALLY members!!

This Co-op is community owned, in order to get a discount you have to be a member. You buy one 'share' for $100 (which you can do in a 6 YEAR payment plan) and immediately get 2%. If you want, you become a volunteer worker, work 4 hours a month and get 10%. You volunteer for 4 hours a week, you get 26%. You schedule yourself when you can.

It was a big day for me.

During the orientation I was so giddy I had to calm myself.
I was surrounded by people who felt as passionate about food as I was.
We talked GMO's.
We talked about importance of animal diets.
We talked about gardening and heirloom seeds.

WOW. I could have hugged everyone in that room and brought a guitar and sang songs.

THERE IS EVEN A RALLY to support farming in New York State......

It feels awesome to know I am  fulfilling my  passion, and I am taking bigger steps to get there.
I'm not a baby anymore, I am an adult, I take adult steps.

It makes my drive to be a Nutritionist even stronger, I feel my path is finally laying out before me. I am getting involved, the way I have wanted to.

I just needed to become a member.

Be all that you can be.

My husband.
He is my inspiration.
He doesn't even bat an eye to criticism.
He has helped me in so many ways, in not feeling like I have to defend myself.
And stop worrying about what others do either.
And try to just be honest.
Worry about us. Let go of everything else.

I am feeling pressure.
The pressure to go to work.

For me, working at the salon was a mental and physical break.
When I worked, it was great. Not gonna lie.
Even those long busy days were nothing compared to a long day with the kids.
It was calm and quiet, I got to socialize with adults, EAT,  take a break, be creative and MAKE MONEY!
My drive to make money is really strong.
Some mom's can balance this. 

I am scared I will get wrapped up in it.
I didn't want to lose focus of what was really important to me.
Raising my kids.
Once I get on that money horse I will gallop off, full speed and it scares me.
I resist the urge to ask my old boss for my job back, everyday.

So, I've  learned to bottle this drive to make money, into being a mom.
That is my full time job. I am working hard long days with PLENTY of overtime, to be the best mom and role model I can be.
Just without a pay check to show for it.

It's so hard when you are battling these thoughts already, then lose support. Making money IS important.
Sometimes I am guided away from what I am fighting to achieve.
It's hard not to get upset or defensive.

I know I will get on that horse.
I guess someday I will have to give in.