Balls of Jingle

It's snowing.

Fa la lalalalala.....!

Its Christmas time again!!
You know.
Only the BEST time of year for those who celebrate it.
And guess what.


AND......this year I have a  new family member. A dog. My boy.


Actually, his full name is Leonidas Triton Majestic Vargonen.

You know..... like this guy................

Dear Santa. Yeah. I'll take one of him for Christmas.....thank you.

Leo is a rescue puppy.

Look at that face....

He better be cute, because he started off on my doggy death wish list by chewing up my furniture, my shoes, pooping on all of my decorative pillows, eating my VICTORIA SECRET trillion dollar bras and treating my son Noah like he was a chew toy.

But things have calmed down. (thank you sweet baby jesus)

Did I mention he was a terrible walker too???

BUT that's why they make them cute. Just like kids. So you have to forgive them. Especially when they give you that look.
(See above photo)

That damn look!

I'm such a softy for cute things.

Especially cute boys.

Like this guy.....

You're welcome.

Leo is totally getting dressed up in a Xmas sweater and getting his picture taken with Santa.
He doesn't know this yet.
He may very well attack Santa.
He may run away at the site of Jolly St. Nick.
He definitely will cause a scene.
And may even harm a small child (probably mine)
In all reality, it's not going to go well......


The thought of this picture, and the amount of excitement it brings me, is SO worth it. It probably exceeds the normal level of christmas spirit..........

I mean come on......look at how cute this is could be.............


Wish me luck.

Until next time.


If you like Pina Coolada~

Is that how you spell that, pina coolada?!

IF YOU LIKE peeeeenyya cooooolaaada!

Love that song!

Maybe its a sign from the heavens I need one- HAHA!

Jay Kay.

My ex husband is dating a great girl.........

I mean......

SUPER great.

Like.... ten years younger, knitted him a scarf by hand, makes my son a cake from scratch, does his laundry and even FOLDS it great.

Did I also mention she drives a Prius, is a nurse, owns a home and is a NATURAL blonde. Natural.
YOU KNOW she only shaves her legs like, once a month. I have to tame my leg hair beast at least once a day. Because I am NOT a natural blonde......

I also do NOT own a Prius.

I'm happy for him. He deserves it. He really does. My heart is happy.


Relationships? Phfft. Seems to be an on going joke for ME lately.

I get the......."Lets move in together?"  oh wait, no. Let me go on trips with my ex first and then then we can talk......after.......when I'm done.......going on trips with my ex girlfriend............................................................................................

Writing this and seeing it, makes me worried for my mental health.

Who doesn't like to have someone we can watch sappy movies with, explore on weekends, hike and flirt with?!

Its time for some serious changes in Amber's dating department......

In other news!
My son turned 7 yesterday! He is getting so biggles! Check out his face.

On an even more serious and terrifying topic.

My daughter wears bras now.


All day.... errday.

Not because she needs them. But because she WANTS to.

*Deep breath*

The other night she was really upset because of the type of veggie burger I was grilling up for her.
I mean.
SO upset.
So much so, that she dramatically threw herself on her bed and cried and felt pity on herself for having a household that does not provide burgers made from "cows."
(In no way shape or form am I promoting veganism to my kids, I just don't buy meat anymore)

These were some GOOD burgers too man!

I could tell by her......not so typical reaction, that is was WAY beyond her eating a vegan burger.

All I could do was hug her.
Just hold her.
Let her sob in my chest and whine about this terrible thing that was happening to her.

Stupid veggies, they ruin everything.

That's it.........

Then she was fine...........................

Let's just say I quietly scooted over a plate of pasta to her after she settled down. Then I watched her smile and talk about her day....



I need that... 'What to expect when your expecting an upcoming teenager' handbook. Anyone know where I can get a copy?!??? 

Until next time.


Thingy's that are my fav right now!

I'm very excited to announce my...dun dun dun



Shit just got real.

Here goes!

1.) Grady's Concentrated Iced Coffee- I mean. I just. I can't. Its too good. It's like having this amazingly spiced iced coffee whenever you want. The flavor is sooo good.I love everything about you, you sexy cold brewed beast you.

2.) Shower to Shower- Let me tell you, its been humid. Especially when you're driving around in your brand new 2016 Jeep that did not come equipped with air conditioning. (don't ask, damn you shiny new things and attractive car salesmens).  Ain't nobody got time for sweat. I sprinkle this little cocaine like substance all in my creases, and, well, anywhere I have skin and BAM, I'll be sweat free and smellin' like a fresh baby's bottom allllll day. The packaging kinda looks dated, so this stuff has probably been around for a long time. BUT, its new to me. I'm happy we met.

 3.) Julienne? Julianna? Julien?- Whatever it's called. It makes spaghetti out of vegetables. I never knew this thing existed. Now I do. Now my life is forever changed.

4.) Califia Coffee Creamers- Kinda like Cali, my hometown. CALI-FOR-NI-AAA Napa 4 LIFE! It's made from coconuts and almonds and even has little bits of coconut swirlin' around in there too. Mixed with my Cold Brew Sexy Beast, it's like my world has started to make sense. What's the meaning of life you say!? Oh, yes, I know, waking up to this liquidy taste of heaven in my mouth every morning. (and my kids sunshiny faces of course).

 5.) J.R Watkins Peppermint Castile Liquid Soap- This stuff is AMAZING as a body wash. I mean ALL over body wash. All up in your nooks and crannies. Leaves you smelling clean and fresh. The way we like it.

These things make me happy.

My next idea is to discover different places to travel to in Maine and surrounding states. I am OPEN for ideas. I am  looking for good hiking trails and what not. Help a girl out here! Haha

Until next time


On a jet plane

My kids are in New York.
Hashtag #Sob-Fest2016 #Whambulance #SoBored

They go twice a year to visit family. I'm used to it. They have a blast. I'm happy for them.
What to do.
Isn't that the questions we all face. What do we do with our time? What is the ideal goal of accomplishment in our lives?
What happens next after you've experience some of the more common life goal things people strive for.
  • Marriage- check
  • Having babies- check
  • Get a career you Love- check
  • Have Abs of Steel- well......okay, so not everything is ideal.
But what else.

I still feel this immense urge that I am not living up to my full potential. WHY is that!? I want to make a difference. But how. What is my passion????? Who needs something!???

I literally watch motivational YouTube videos while I get ready in the mornings.

Tony Robbins 4 life.

This eventually leads me to spend the first 4 hours of my day in full "Arnold Mode,"  Eyeballing that stack of papers on my desk. Whispering in my best Arnold voice, "You look like a little puny pile, who do you think you are with your little puny words and deadlines"
My work never even sees it coming.

But the strange cycle I live is, eventually by 5:00 p.m., there's nothing more I want to do, than to do the exact opposite of "Pumping Up" my motivation. In fact. Cooking dinner seems like a lot of work by 6:00 p.m. Like a serious work out for my brain.
Putting stuff in a pan and setting the temperature is hard work man. You have to actually make decisions on what to mash together with the ingredients you have.... that late in the day. But I just spent 8 hours deciding things? No way.  I have a list of  dinners I rotate during the week because of this. Got chicken. Yup. Chicken tonight kids. Leftover Broccoli? Looking like stir-fry tonight kids.
Not even an ounce of creativity that  so heavily engulfed me  at 7:46 a.m. that morning.

I literally thought of starting my own organization to help others at 7:46 a.m. this morning.

Maybe I'm just a morning person.

That's all for today.

Gotta make dinner...... :/


Where do I begin?

Or should I say, where did it end.....

I'm divorced now.

One Plus One Equals?

Last week was the first time I read this blog since my divorce, which happened five years ago. Five. Long. Years. Ago. Like a bad fairytale ending. I didn't want to be reminded of what "was" and wanted to focus on what "is."

I cried like a baby after reading it.

Mostly because my kids were so wittle and cute and precious. Time is a gift. Another big part of my sob-fest 2016, was witnessing the years we were a happy family. It brought out the best qualities in me. Stabs the heart.

It feels like a lifetime ago in a far away land.

My raw truth.
I left.

I left because I wanted to experience something else. I left because I felt overwhelmed, claustrophobic and too young to be where I was in life. I left because I didn't value what a healthy and long lasting relationship could have provide me. I wasn't grown up enough yet to know the importance. I don't beat myself up over that.

I also left because of him.

That boy.

The one you swelled up in hives on your face for as a teen. The one that made you giddy to go to school and motivated you to show up to class, even when you had a history of not doing so.  The boy you used to call into the 'love songs after dark' radio station for, and request songs like, "Crazy for you" by Madonna, and 'I Touch Myself,' which, by the way, I did not actually touch myself at the thought of him, it just sounded sexy. And sexy was not what I was at 15 with bad teeth and boyish hips.

The boy you thought would eventually be yours, and this perfectly cute romantic, adorable, sexy love story would eventually end up your future.

I finally got that boy.

I've kept this part of my life private. Only to my closest friends, have I expressed my guilt of giving up my family for this ridiculous fantasy. He was everything that I didn't have at that time of my life. And everything I thought I wanted for my future.

(insert judgments here)

It only turned out to be the most debilitating relationship I've every experienced. It may not have been all him. I could have held him to standards too high. It could have been the divorce too.

I just couldn't give it up. Even when I knew.
That Boy. I held on to.....with hope.... until our depressing and pathetic drawn out bitter..... 'The End.'

I see it so clear now.

The tainted grass.

Thus is life I suppose.

Sarah and Noah, who have now grown to be 9 & 6. My babies. Both equally as darling as the other. I am so proud them. I still wanna suffocate them most days with my love. I still read them a book every night.
I still look at them the way I did, the first day they were born. Some things have stayed the same. My love for these two.


My story, I hope, doesn't end poorly for me. Because I know, as much as we can't see it sometimes. Everything happens for a reason. I enjoy my life. This life. Without The Husband or The Boy, but with just me. Amber. That was my lesson. I'm the one I needed to love, only to start my real beginning.