Pet to the Peeve

OH. my gawwwwwedddd

Today, YET AGAIN, on my drive home in a snow storm, I had some big, honkey tonkin', unnecessarily big truck drivin,' estúpido guy riding my ass. Why you say?  

OH, because I was ACTUALLY abiding by the law and going the reduced speed limit of 45 miles an hour. (okay, more like 55, but still.)

This was DURING the snow fall.
I get it.
Your truck is big, and probably has four wheel drive.

I'm also pretty sure that big truck of yours can pass me too. Whyyyyy!?

It's those people that drive lil elderly people off the roads!

But, thank you, Douche McDoucherton, for inspiring me to share with you my biggest pet peeves......

Sometimes, ya just gotta vent right!?

Numero Uno) It's pretty clear. Guys who drive abnormally large trucks with tires that are way too big for the freaking earth seem to continually fit the mold of douchbagery. This species of human, gets pleasure in riding EVERYONES ass because they think they have these magical monster truck capabilities.......No. You are not that cool.... No...There is not a lot of talent in putting your foot down really hard on a gas petal. No.....There is no skill in risking death by getting inches away from someone's bumper.  😐  This is not Mario Kart. And why would you want a girl to have to mountain climb into your salary guzzling Ford F150 anyways!?? Def, not this girl. Especially not in heels.

Dos) People who did it become a cool/hip thing to  snort a loogie full of boogers mixed with chunks of your chewed up dunkin donuts breakfast sandwich and hack it on the streets for people to see or step in!!??????? Is there some medical reason why someone would have an excessive amount of saliva that would need it to be purged from the body!? I have literally seen huge GREEN globs of this, all over the place. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Gaggggggggg. Literally just threw up in my mouth. #pleasestop

Tres)  Girls who talk real breathy and mostly out of their nasal passageway  ...........Like "oh meyy geyyd Lisaaaa, did you seeee her dress is seewww last seassssoonnnn." all know what I'm talking about. Where the end of every sentence is drawn out like oh my gaweddddddddddddddddddddd. Did you see thattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt hhhhashhhtag seeew last ssseasonnnnnnnnn. FML. Kill me now.

Cuatro) Most of my closet friends know this next peeve.....  My lifetime has consisted of being continually taunted with these words. Mostly by my brother. There is not one conversation we have that will not lead up to him mentioning these two words .....sometimes in the same sick sentence.....sometimes separate and out of know where, just BAM, gouging my ears and torturing me.. I'm having a hard time even getting ready to type these...........bare with me.....ugh.......


I need a moment.
If we can just remove these words out of the English language that would be greeeat.

Cinco) This one seems to be a trend lately. But, when you are friendly to people and they are not friendly back......I get it...we all have bad days.....but when you say Hi to the lady making your coffee and she gives you an attitude back!? It just makes you doubt the human race and ponder why you even try then contemplate saying fuck it and just start hating the world. Believe me, it's easier to ignore you. Sursly. I liked your face and I appreciated you making me a nice coffee. I said Hi. Sue me. We all have to pay our bills, cut carbs and NOT do cocaine or day drink to get by (jay kay). We all struggle with life sometimes. Smile back. :)

Seis) Someone who puts the NEW toilet paper roll on TOP of the empty roll..........I...I just can't even.

and lastly...

Siete) People who speed up when you are trying to merge in.....oh my god. This is the WORST.
Is this some sort of weird Power Trip phenomenon people do that is deep routed in their subconscious mind to do in order to feel superior or something? I have literally had people RACING ahead of me, literally, pedal to the medal, balls to the wall, just to be in front of me......when their car was more than halfway BEHIND me......the logical thing would be to merge in slowly and safely, like a nice smooth merge of lanes should be, on course with how are cars aligned......but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO special people will just fuck up your day by cutting you off. Sometimes, not even letting you in at ALL. That is when Amber's cray side comes out. One minute, I'm jammin' out enjoy the scenery, drinking my coffee some asshole made me. I see the lane ahead is merging.......oh no.........I heart is racing, I mumble to myself "oh hell no, this guy is gunna cut me off," and sure enough, there is this moment of awkward side to side racing happening, I feel most cases, people kinda like the idea of  someone going off the road, in or ditch. That is FAR better than having to slow down right!? We are the most stubborn species in the world I swear. Why is this a thing!?.....This is why I have serious road rage.

That's all for now.
Lawd help me.


Discoveries- my favorite things right neow~

Oh boy.
These things get me SO excited!

I have discovered some pretty amazing things lately..

Mostly food. I love food.

Here goes.

1.) Amy's Roasted Vegetable Pizza - Dear Lord. Thank you. Do you know how hard it has been to find a GOOD dairy free pizza!? The struggles are real.  There is nothing more bland and disappointing than trying out a pizza with imitation cheese. I'll pass, thanks. Not only does it taste terrible, the ingredients are usually twice as bad. BUT THIS, oh shit yea. Definitely, a MUST TRY.  You can find this in most grocery stores in the freezer isle. It's amazing.

2.) Loreal Magic Lumi Primer- For us cold weather folks. Lets face it. This 15 degree weather is not helping anyone's skin out.  When you walk out to your car and the cold hits your face like a bag of solid ice, you KNOW your skin is looking just as dry and flakey as your poor shrivel up moisture restricted hands are. Put this baby on as a primer before your foundation, mix it in with your face moisturizer or add it straight into your foundation and BAM!, you'll look like the sparkling lil ray of sunshine you are. Who doesn't like sparking things!? You can get this at most drug stores.


3.) Nuttin Ordinary Ravioli's- Ohhhhhhhhhhh my gawd. I died and went to heaven with this. This is something my kids and I LOVE. You would never know the difference. These handmade ravioli's are filled with a mixture of cashew and other spices. This is the best thing I've ever had. Teamed up with fresh garlic bread, mmm. You may need some stretchy pants after these babies. I found these at Whole Foods Market, if you are not close to one, check out their website. I am not sure if they even ship items out, but this is definitely something to try if you live in the New England area.

 4.) Vegan Parmesan- This was something that ties into the above. Sprinkling this godsend on top of your warm, cheesy-ish raviolis. GOOD LAWD.  It has a slight crunch to it, so it makes it an even better consistency than parmesan. If I had to choose between this, and a day assigned to oil up the muscles of Ryan Reynolds for a photo shoot. I'd pick this. This recipe came from the Minimalist Baker. She has an excellent website filled with great healthy recipes that I love. It is SO simple to make. Which is what her website is all about. Simplicity. Check it out!- Just kidding about that Ryan Reynolds comment. Haha. Call me...............maybe?


5.) Ipsy Bags- This isn't really a new one for me. I've been subscribed to Ipsy for over a year now. I am due to get my bag in a few days and was just thinking of how excited I am.  You only pay $10.00 a month. What you get, is a magical pinkish bubbly wrapped surprise bag and inside this magical surprise bag, is a bunch of different surprise makeups, brushes, primers, eye shadows, nail polish, you name it ! Even the cute bag changes each month.  This is something my daughter and I literally scream out loud for when it arrives. I am counting down the seconds until its arrival. You can sign up here or check em out at...

I guess that's all for now. I realized I love food a lot. Haha.
*A little disclaimer- I eat a pretty consistent plant based diet, so most of these food items are going to be vegan-ish. 
Until next time.

If you like Pina Coolada~

Is that how you spell that, pina coolada?!

IF YOU LIKE peeeeenyya cooooolaaada!

Love that song!

Maybe its a sign from the heavens I need one- HAHA!

Jay Kay.

My ex husband is dating a great girl.........

I mean......

SUPER great.

Like.... ten years younger, knitted him a scarf by hand, makes my son a cake from scratch, does his laundry and even FOLDS it great.

Did I also mention she drives a Prius, is a nurse, owns a home and is a NATURAL blonde. Natural.
YOU KNOW she only shaves her legs like, once a month. I have to tame my leg hair beast at least once a day. Because I am NOT a natural blonde......

I also do NOT own a Prius.

I'm happy for him. He deserves it. He really does. My heart is happy.


Relationships? Phfft. Seems to be an on going joke for ME lately.

I get the......."Lets move in together?"  oh wait, no. Let me go on trips with my ex first and then then we can talk......after.......when I'm done.......going on trips with my ex girlfriend............................................................................................

Writing this and seeing it, makes me worried for my mental health.

Who doesn't like to have someone we can watch sappy movies with, explore on weekends, hike and flirt with?!

Its time for some serious changes in Amber's dating department......

In other news!
My son turned 7 yesterday! He is getting so biggles! Check out his face.

On an even more serious and terrifying topic.

My daughter wears bras now.


All day.... errday.

Not because she needs them. But because she WANTS to.

*Deep breath*

The other night she was really upset because of the type of veggie burger I was grilling up for her.
I mean.
SO upset.
So much so, that she dramatically threw herself on her bed and cried and felt pity on herself for having a household that does not provide burgers made from "cows."
(In no way shape or form am I promoting veganism to my kids, I just don't buy meat anymore)

These were some GOOD burgers too man!

I could tell by her......not so typical reaction, that is was WAY beyond her eating a vegan burger.

All I could do was hug her.
Just hold her.
Let her sob in my chest and whine about this terrible thing that was happening to her.

Stupid veggies, they ruin everything.

That's it.........

Then she was fine...........................

Let's just say I quietly scooted over a plate of pasta to her after she settled down. Then I watched her smile and talk about her day....



I need that... 'What to expect when your expecting an upcoming teenager' handbook. Anyone know where I can get a copy?!??? 

Until next time.


Thingy's that are my fav right now!

I'm very excited to announce my...dun dun dun



Shit just got real.

Here goes!

1.) Grady's Concentrated Iced Coffee- I mean. I just. I can't. Its too good. It's like having this amazingly spiced iced coffee whenever you want. The flavor is sooo good.I love everything about you, you sexy cold brewed beast you.

2.) Shower to Shower- Let me tell you, its been humid. Especially when you're driving around in your brand new 2016 Jeep that did not come equipped with air conditioning. (don't ask, damn you shiny new things and attractive car salesmens).  Ain't nobody got time for sweat. I sprinkle this little cocaine like substance all in my creases, and, well, anywhere I have skin and BAM, I'll be sweat free and smellin' like a fresh baby's bottom allllll day. The packaging kinda looks dated, so this stuff has probably been around for a long time. BUT, its new to me. I'm happy we met.

 3.) Julienne? Julianna? Julien?- Whatever it's called. It makes spaghetti out of vegetables. I never knew this thing existed. Now I do. Now my life is forever changed.

4.) Califia Coffee Creamers- Kinda like Cali, my hometown. CALI-FOR-NI-AAA Napa 4 LIFE! It's made from coconuts and almonds and even has little bits of coconut swirlin' around in there too. Mixed with my Cold Brew Sexy Beast, it's like my world has started to make sense. What's the meaning of life you say!? Oh, yes, I know, waking up to this liquidy taste of heaven in my mouth every morning. (and my kids sunshiny faces of course).

 5.) J.R Watkins Peppermint Castile Liquid Soap- This stuff is AMAZING as a body wash. I mean ALL over body wash. All up in your nooks and crannies. Leaves you smelling clean and fresh. The way we like it.

These things make me happy.

My next idea is to discover different places to travel to in Maine and surrounding states. I am OPEN for ideas. I am  looking for good hiking trails and what not. Help a girl out here! Haha

Until next time


On a jet plane

My kids are in New York.
Hashtag #Sob-Fest2016 #Whambulance #SoBored

They go twice a year to visit family. I'm used to it. They have a blast. I'm happy for them.
What to do.
Isn't that the questions we all face. What do we do with our time? What is the ideal goal of accomplishment in our lives?
What happens next after you've experience some of the more common life goal things people strive for.
  • Marriage- check
  • Having babies- check
  • Get a career you Love- check
  • Have Abs of Steel- well......okay, so not everything is ideal.
But what else.

I still feel this immense urge that I am not living up to my full potential. WHY is that!? I want to make a difference. But how. What is my passion????? Who needs something!???

I literally watch motivational YouTube videos while I get ready in the mornings.

Tony Robbins 4 life.

This eventually leads me to spend the first 4 hours of my day in full "Arnold Mode,"  Eyeballing that stack of papers on my desk. Whispering in my best Arnold voice, "You look like a little puny pile, who do you think you are with your little puny words and deadlines"
My work never even sees it coming.

But the strange cycle I live is, eventually by 5:00 p.m., there's nothing more I want to do, than to do the exact opposite of "Pumping Up" my motivation. In fact. Cooking dinner seems like a lot of work by 6:00 p.m. Like a serious work out for my brain.
Putting stuff in a pan and setting the temperature is hard work man. You have to actually make decisions on what to mash together with the ingredients you have.... that late in the day. But I just spent 8 hours deciding things? No way.  I have a list of  dinners I rotate during the week because of this. Got chicken. Yup. Chicken tonight kids. Leftover Broccoli? Looking like stir-fry tonight kids.
Not even an ounce of creativity that  so heavily engulfed me  at 7:46 a.m. that morning.

I literally thought of starting my own organization to help others at 7:46 a.m. this morning.

Maybe I'm just a morning person.

That's all for today.

Gotta make dinner...... :/


Where do I begin?

Or should I say, where did it end.....

I'm divorced now.

One Plus One Equals?

Last week was the first time I read this blog since my divorce, which happened five years ago. Five. Long. Years. Ago. Like a bad fairytale ending. I didn't want to be reminded of what "was" and wanted to focus on what "is."

I cried like a baby after reading it.

Mostly because my kids were so wittle and cute and precious. Time is a gift. Another big part of my sob-fest 2016, was witnessing the years we were a happy family. It brought out the best qualities in me. Stabs the heart.

It feels like a lifetime ago in a far away land.

My raw truth.
I left.

I left because I wanted to experience something else. I left because I felt overwhelmed, claustrophobic and too young to be where I was in life. I left because I didn't value what a healthy and long lasting relationship could have provide me. I wasn't grown up enough yet to know the importance. I don't beat myself up over that.

I also left because of him.

That boy.

The one you swelled up in hives on your face for as a teen. The one that made you giddy to go to school and motivated you to show up to class, even when you had a history of not doing so.  The boy you used to call into the 'love songs after dark' radio station for, and request songs like, "Crazy for you" by Madonna, and 'I Touch Myself,' which, by the way, I did not actually touch myself at the thought of him, it just sounded sexy. And sexy was not what I was at 15 with bad teeth and boyish hips.

The boy you thought would eventually be yours, and this perfectly cute romantic, adorable, sexy love story would eventually end up your future.

I finally got that boy.

I've kept this part of my life private. Only to my closest friends, have I expressed my guilt of giving up my family for this ridiculous fantasy. He was everything that I didn't have at that time of my life. And everything I thought I wanted for my future.

(insert judgments here)

It only turned out to be the most debilitating relationship I've every experienced. It may not have been all him. I could have held him to standards too high. It could have been the divorce too.

I just couldn't give it up. Even when I knew.
That Boy. I held on to.....with hope.... until our depressing and pathetic drawn out bitter..... 'The End.'

I see it so clear now.

The tainted grass.

Thus is life I suppose.

Sarah and Noah, who have now grown to be 9 & 6. My babies. Both equally as darling as the other. I am so proud them. I still wanna suffocate them most days with my love. I still read them a book every night.
I still look at them the way I did, the first day they were born. Some things have stayed the same. My love for these two.


My story, I hope, doesn't end poorly for me. Because I know, as much as we can't see it sometimes. Everything happens for a reason. I enjoy my life. This life. Without The Husband or The Boy, but with just me. Amber. That was my lesson. I'm the one I needed to love, only to start my real beginning.