Heartbreak.
We've all been there.
It's the worst right!?
Well, for me.... I've carefully avoided heartbreak like the plague. Who wants to deal with that?
Not me.
I actually recently experienced my first true gut wrenching pain of love loss.
It was NOT pretty.
I always left long before this could ever happen to me. Hence my divorce. If I initiate it, I'm in control right?
From my history, I've always been the one to leave. The pain of being dumped or dealing with your heart being crushed was NOT my cup of tea. I actually avoided commitment my entire life like a 2017 fuckboy avoids getting lock down to just ONE Tinder girl. Never gunna happen.
Hell to the Nah
Back when I was 18, I dated this really fun guy named Matt. He had tons of friends, cool car, was hilarious, cute and wanted me to be his girlfriend. We would cruise around jammin' out to Andre Nickatina, Mac Dre & E-40, (you know, the type of music any skinny, middle class white girl from Napa Valley would like), sneak into pools at night-just to make out and skinny dip, camp, streak through various public events (yup) and drink beer- pretty much all summer, we always had something fun going on. I even met his mom. I loved her!
Things were going good.
Then I dumped him.
You know why I dumped him?
He didn't text me back (technically he didn't call back, we had pagers back in the olden days).......
..................................................after an hour.............................................................
Not kidding.
This girl had some serious commitment and intimacy issues right!?
Woah, slow down, wait....things are going really good!??!
Nope. See ya.
You can see my history here.
What came from this most recent heartbreak, which would be the first for me, the one I've avoided my entire life. Is realizing that.......well..........it does suck......real bad.......kinda like how I imagined. I never thought I could recover.
But in this past year of being single, I have really felt amazing. I think as people, we need to experience this kind of gut wrenching pain to push us to work on our own self growth.
And, ya know, sometimes, things just don't work out.
There is no sense in making sense of it.
Everyone has their own agenda.
Dating can actually be fun.
(It can also be REALLY bad too)
I have quite a few hilarious dating stories. Nothing really fazes me anymore. Rejection isn't this terrifying deep dark pit of self-loathing that you will never crawl out of. I survived that shit.
I also feel like I came out a better person.......at least I think........... I still bump gansta rap, drink too much wine sometimes, speed and flirt with hot men.
BUT!
Being single has been fun.
I mean really.....in reality, it's only a brief time in your life you get to do what you want, when you want. Before you know it, you'll be in another relationship.
It such a precious time.
A rare time you get to enjoy just being you.
I'm cradling my single self and lovin' it. Maybe that's why I'm still single. I don't want to give that time up unless is worth it.
Speakin' of lovin'
My son has now become obsessed with Harry Potter. Lil late I know.
I felt compelled to share his crafty rendition of 'Arry Pottah' glasses (way too big for his face) and scar that he consistently needs to redo daily. Well, because I think it's cute.
Until next time
Amba
We've all been there.
It's the worst right!?
Well, for me.... I've carefully avoided heartbreak like the plague. Who wants to deal with that?
Not me.
I actually recently experienced my first true gut wrenching pain of love loss.
It was NOT pretty.
I always left long before this could ever happen to me. Hence my divorce. If I initiate it, I'm in control right?
From my history, I've always been the one to leave. The pain of being dumped or dealing with your heart being crushed was NOT my cup of tea. I actually avoided commitment my entire life like a 2017 fuckboy avoids getting lock down to just ONE Tinder girl. Never gunna happen.
Hell to the Nah
Back when I was 18, I dated this really fun guy named Matt. He had tons of friends, cool car, was hilarious, cute and wanted me to be his girlfriend. We would cruise around jammin' out to Andre Nickatina, Mac Dre & E-40, (you know, the type of music any skinny, middle class white girl from Napa Valley would like), sneak into pools at night-just to make out and skinny dip, camp, streak through various public events (yup) and drink beer- pretty much all summer, we always had something fun going on. I even met his mom. I loved her!
Things were going good.
Then I dumped him.
You know why I dumped him?
He didn't text me back (technically he didn't call back, we had pagers back in the olden days).......
..................................................after an hour.............................................................
Not kidding.
This girl had some serious commitment and intimacy issues right!?
Woah, slow down, wait....things are going really good!??!
Nope. See ya.
You can see my history here.
What came from this most recent heartbreak, which would be the first for me, the one I've avoided my entire life. Is realizing that.......well..........it does suck......real bad.......kinda like how I imagined. I never thought I could recover.
But in this past year of being single, I have really felt amazing. I think as people, we need to experience this kind of gut wrenching pain to push us to work on our own self growth.
And, ya know, sometimes, things just don't work out.
There is no sense in making sense of it.
Everyone has their own agenda.
Dating can actually be fun.
(It can also be REALLY bad too)
 |
| Not me. |
I have quite a few hilarious dating stories. Nothing really fazes me anymore. Rejection isn't this terrifying deep dark pit of self-loathing that you will never crawl out of. I survived that shit.
I also feel like I came out a better person.......at least I think........... I still bump gansta rap, drink too much wine sometimes, speed and flirt with hot men.
BUT!
Being single has been fun.
I mean really.....in reality, it's only a brief time in your life you get to do what you want, when you want. Before you know it, you'll be in another relationship.
It such a precious time.
A rare time you get to enjoy just being you.
I'm cradling my single self and lovin' it. Maybe that's why I'm still single. I don't want to give that time up unless is worth it.
Speakin' of lovin'
My son has now become obsessed with Harry Potter. Lil late I know.
I felt compelled to share his crafty rendition of 'Arry Pottah' glasses (way too big for his face) and scar that he consistently needs to redo daily. Well, because I think it's cute.
Until next time
Amba
No comments:
Post a Comment