My parents are here for the holidays, which means.
Long discussion on politics and society.
My passion in life is living a "healthy one," the healthiest I can in this day.
After researching what we were eating I came to discover what really happens from seed to table. And I didn't like what I found.
So, my family has decided to switch to an Organic lifestyle.
I can say that I feel a hundred times better, more active, less hungry and my stomach problems have dwindled. Thanks to a great organic whole food store in Albany, we can live this lifestyle, with a few sacrifices financially.
My problem is that, I feel like an outsider.
I think people understand that eating organic is better. It's hard to decline foods that you know have stuff in it you are trying to avoid like chemicals, preservatives, and genetically modified ingredients. I don't want to put into my body, unless I have to.
It's hard to fight for this cause because it makes you look ungrateful.
I have learned as a breastfeeding mother that you have to be strong willed in order to do so, and this is now falling into eating organic as well. When you breastfeed you feel the constant scrutiny of others looking down on you or making other uncomfortable. Which is sad, this is what our society has come to. The most natural thing for a baby has now been ripped away due to a few uncomfortable people who can't get over that fact that its a BOOB. Even though, this is the best thing for a baby.
I realized that parenting is not easy, you have to be strong. Stronger than ever. Because it's tough.
Being a stay at home, breastfeeding, organic mother is something I have to really work hard for and sacrifice because it is not easily accustomed to do in this day in age.
We are struggling financially, life would be easier if I worked. It really hard for a mom to stay home and survive, unless your spouse makes like 20 dollars an hour or more. Breastfeeding is important. There is something special that happens, security, being close to mother's skin. We are mammals right!?
I needed sleep.
Noah wasn't sleeping.
Books told me, "he should be sleeping"
Maybe we should do what we did with Sarah...let her cry. We let her sleep with us the first year of life and decided one day, WE WANT OUR BED BACK. We put her in her crib each night, she would cry and we would cave in. Then after a rough sleepless night with her in our bed, we gave her kisses, put her in her crib, and let her cry. It was mostly a whine, it was hard, but we were weak emotionally suffering with exhaustion. Sleep was like a drug and we needed a hit.
She slept in her crib that night, instead of our bed, which was what we wanted, but at what price? Everyone said this is what they did and it worked. Why didn't it feel good.
I didn't even sleep.
Noah was nursing still about 3 times a night...I needed sleep. I need a fix. Everyone says, let him cry a little bit, "kids need to LEARN to go to sleep on their own, you have to teach them".
It worked with Sarah right?!
Well, we let him cry for maybe a minute then that tugging at my heart gave in.
The guilt.
The next day, I researched different ways to get a baby to sleep. You leave the room for 10 minutes, come back, soothe them (don't hold them) and leave for another 10 and repeat until they fall asleep on their own....because baby's need to be "taught" to sleep.....this was the most common method.
But I discovered that babies don't know you are coming back. They have no concept of time. So, they feel scared and abandon. After so many times, they realize you are not coming back and give up and learn to soothe themselves in other ways, only because they don't have any other choice or too tired to resist. They tend to use other methods of soothing themselves, ear pulling, pacifiers, stuffed animals and thumb sucking.
I let her cry.
She sucks her thumb.
Their is nothing worse than knowing you made a mistake as a parent.My heart hurts typing that. Did she feel abandoned?
My lesson was a hard one. My kids need to come first. How long will Noah be nursing for? I don't know. Even if he cries at night just to be held, I should hold him. I want him to know I will always be there.
I threw out all the baby books.
Even though I am not a huge fan of breastfeeding. I fight every day to do it, just so I can give my kids what I feel is the best start in life. As for Sarah, she still sucks her thumb and I will let her until she is ready to give it up, because her thumb was there for her, when I wasn't.
Noah still gets up at night, I am tired, but I hope that my efforts will make him happier and feel secure and grow up to be a confident person. I think Sarah will be fine too, she knows she is loved and everytime she gets up and want to be in "mommy and daddy's bed," we let her.
It may be an uncomfortable, cramped, attention coughing night, but we do it for her.
Hopefully, it will make up for those few nights, of those pricey Z's.
Happy Thanksgiving!
So, I started to pack up tired little Noah, perfectly content with going alone. And of course, Ali jumps up, mid game, tension brews, and it was a downward spiral after that.
Hopefully, it will make up for those few nights, of those pricey Z's.
Ariel 5, The Secrets.- Ariel finds out she has a half sister after discovering about her fathers affairs, 19 years ago. Watch as she magically transforms back into a mermaid, swims unda the sea in search of her long lost sister. After she discovers her father's skanky past, she falls into a depdepresn. Lost and confused, this leads her to drink a lot, then she wind up in the arms of another man, Sebastian. Will she confess, or will she keep it a secret from Prince Eric?
I am looking forward to the day we can take a night away, just the two of us. We did that a lot when we first met. We would plan spontaneous trips to Lake Tahoe and Reno. Even with the kids, we would stay up in Lake George for a night, just to get away, but money is short now.Too short. I am almost thinking of getting a part-time job, just so we don't have to live sooooo frugally. 
Hopefully it will be better than the flour-less, crispy, oatmeal cookies I attempted yesterday. I was stuck at home ALL DAY without a car to flee the coup, so I was desperately seeking activities to keep my daughter from wigging out and destroying something else......I hate being stuck at home. This has bursted the teeny ounce of giddy-ness I had for snow to come. I forget those days of being stranded at home with a hyperactive 4 year old. Where's California when you need it!? I would like to invite California to come stay at my house for the winter. You can sleep with us, I will spoon you.
SO, what I want to know is, what is it about being around family that makes me so happy?
The most important thing I have learned is that all parents do things differently. I do not judge other children or parents, because we so easily do. You may think my child walking around the store, 8 feet ahead is "too lenient," but I think your child confined to the cart is, "too over protective." I have learned to stop judging other parents, because we raise our kids the way we see fit. Is their really a bad parent out there?? Just because you let your kid watch T.V. and I don't, does not make me any better of a parent than you. You let your kid ride a bike without a helmet, I don't. But the way you see it is, "I did this when I was young and I was fine", and I see it as " well I don't want to take a chance" but each parent is loving equally, just differently. You want your kid to feel free like you did as a child so you let them ride with no helmet, because you love them, and I want you to be safer with a helmet because I love you too. So, in a sense, we all LOVE our kids, no matter how much T.V., games, breast or bottle we give them. We are making choices that we feel are right because we love our kids and want what we feel is best.
When you grow up, things start to happen. People get sick, they die, you get hurt by others, lied to, cheated. You realize people are not so easy to trust. You are told as a kid to always say "Hi" and be nice to others, you realize after a while, people aren't so fuzzy.
So today, when my darling daughter wakes from her princess lair, I am going to, of course, give her her favorite cereal with her favorite spoon and maybe, just maybe, give her chocolate milk instead of regular, Because I'm a funaholic.
